Of Cold Showers and Conversation Hearts
by Countess Chocula
Summary: Ron loves Hermione, but he doesn't know it...ah, the sweet searing pain of unriquited love... But, with a little help from Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, and the other fabulous professors, it might not be so unrequited. RonxHermione, a bit of HarryxGinn


**Of Cold Showers and Conversation Hearts**

By: Countess Chocula

A/N: Hello hello! It is I, Jenna! I've had this idea ever since I finished reading book three, and so that's the book that it will take place in. As you can surmise from my previous sentence, I am not very good at sitting myself down and writing something. I actually started this chapter about…two years ago. I wrote a few paragraphs, got sleepy, went to bed, didn't feel like writing the next day, gave the plot more thought. Now, two years later, I am finishing chapter one. I'll try to get chapter two up before 2020. I hope you all like this little story, and remember, every time you read something and don't review, a baby angel loses it's wings.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to the fabulously fantastic J.K. Rowling, and if you think that it belongs to me, I suggest you get help. Now.

Chapter One: Poor Ron is Beaten.

"Ron? Ron! Are you okay?" Harry's voice echoed painfully in Ron's ears.

Of course he wasn't okay. His ears were ringing, his nose bled, his shins were bruised, and he was quite sure that at least three of his teeth had been knocked out.

Ronald Weasley had just been mauled by Hermione Granger.

Well, "mauled" wouldn't exactly be the best word to use. He had been more "beaten" than mauled.

He opened his eyes, slowly, as it hurt to apply the strength to lift his eyelids.

"Whaappend?" He asked intelligently.

"You told Hermione that Valentine's Day was a stupid waste of time, that she was stupid, and that you would rather Avada Kedavra yourself than send her or anyone a valentine," Harry responded, ticking off Ron's statements on his fingers.

Ron looked around (as best he could, being in excruciating pain and all). "Where am I?"

"The hospital wing. You've been out for awhile. At least an hour, maybe two."

Ron couldn't believe it. He'd been beaten up by a girl.

"Well…I'm sure she's in plenty of trouble for it," Ron said, praying that she'd at least get what she deserved for depriving the lovely young witches of his handsome face and roguish charms for so long.

"Er…well…as you know, Professor Dumbledore has been cooped up in his office trying to teach the house elves how to break-dance…"

"Yes? Aaannnnddd?" Ron was growing a bit worried that Hermione, by some odd twist of fate, had not suffered any punishment. As if some crazy little girl was, right now, at this very moment, twisting their lives to suit her fancy.

Some crazy, deranged little girl.

"And, well…" Harry continued, "that puts Professor McGonagall in charge, and by some weird twist of fate, she thought you were totally out of line assaulting Hermione's Valentine's Day views in such a ferocious manner."

"WHAT! She beats the living crap out of me and I'M the one who reacted ferociously?" After this outburst, a coughing spell ensued, followed by a string of obscenities rude enough to make Jenna Coleman blush, followed by more coughing.

Harry handed Ron a tissue to clean the mucus off of his chin. After Ron was cleaned up and calmed down, Harry felt it safe to speak.

"Maybe you could…like…apologize or something."

"ME! APOLOGIZE? SHE'S THE ONE WHO KNOCKED OUT TWO—"

"Three."

"THREE OF MY TEETH! If anyone should apologize, it should be her." More coughing, more swearing, more coughing, more Kleenex.

"Well, I know you're right, but maybe just to get on right terms with her again. Maybe get her a Valentine's Day gift?"

"Harry, are you insane? Valentine's Day is for pansy-assed nancy-boys who need to bribe girls to like them with chocolate and flowers. And then the girls get mad at you a week later for making them fat by feeding them chocolate and causing their allergies to act up with the flowers!"

"Well…I got Ginny a little gift and she seemed to really li—"

"Whoa. Hold the phone, Harry. You're not serious, are you? I mean, come on, a Valentine's Day gift for—did you say Ginny, Harry? My little sister Ginny? That Ginny?"

Well, by now Harry was realizing that this was no time to talk to Ron. He was obviously upset over the beating. It was time to take things into his own hands.

"Of course not, Ron! That other Ginny, you know, Ravenclaw, bout 5'4"…brown hair…likes to wear those creepy boots…you know the one…" at this point, Harry was halfway out the door.

He was a man with a plan.

And all this time Ron was trying to place the mystery Ginny.


End file.
